There’s only a few days left in this year, and the best way to end and renew is by making the greatest of it. Joy to the World, I say. For this post, I bring you some of the funniest one-liners, full blown-out jokes, and pictures that will have you rolling with misfit laughter.
Let’s start out with a joke to get things rolling:
A man is just about to get a CD out of a cabinet when the phone in the
“Hello,” says the man answering it.
“Hi,” says a high woman’s voice. “This is Tiffany the housekeeper.”
“Oh,” says the man. “Hi Tiffany.”
“Hi, Mr. Birschman. Sorry to call so late. I figured you’d be back
later, so I planned to leave a message. You see, I had a problem when
I was cleaning the bedroom.”
“What sort of a problem?”
“Well, when I was trying to make your bed, your envelope of emergency
money, you know, the one you keep under the mattress, it fell out.”
“Well, what’s the problem, Tiffany?”
“Well, I wasn’t sure just where to put it back, so I just put it under
the bottom left corner. Is that okay?”
“Yes. Thank you for telling me that, Tiffany. I appreciate it.”
“Oh, also, when I was vacuuming the living room, I found that diamond
ring you’ve been missing.”
“That’s wonderful, Tiffany! By the way, where did you put it?”
“In the jewelry box on the dresser, of course!”
“And how did you lock it?”
“First I turned the key to the right, then I pulled it out and tried
the top to make sure it was locked,” says the housekeeper, revealing
how well she remembered his instructions.
“Good! And where did you put the key?”
“In the top right cabinet in the kitchen, under the good china.”
“Fantastic!” says the man, impressed.
“Oh, and I took the courtesy of wrapping the keys to the Porsche in
that adorable little box. I know your wife is going to be so surprised.”
“Stupendous. Thank you so much, Tiffany. You are really a great
“Thank you, Mr. Birschman, and have a nice night.”
“You too, Tiffany. Good night.”
The man hangs up the phone, turns to his buddy, and says with a grin,
“This is going to be the easiest robbery ever!”
Funny or just not enough? While you catch up with your breath, here are some good-humored pictures:
(Click an image to enlarge and view!)
The world really has “unique” sets of people, huh? Some one-liners, perhaps?
Why don’t aliens eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : “Funny, I smell carrots too”.
Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.
LOL worthy? Here’s a few lines seen on bumper stickers across the world:
Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?
I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayers in public schools.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I are proud to be a college student.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke off.
[In small letters] If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
Stop following me, I don’t know where I’m going.
I bet you laughed a lot, right?
If not, stay tuned in for more fun!
Word of the Week
Say CORK 5 times.
Say it again 3 times.
Say it again twice.
What do you use when your drinking soup?
Answer before scrolling down!
Fork? Wrong! You use a spoon while drinking soup, silly!
Okay, so not so brilliant, but a feedback, nevertheless. Tell me, what is your New Year’s Resolution?
Last – but not least – Laugh
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress.
Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.
Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.
Only one of them survived the accident.
Question: Who was the survivor?
Answer: The perfect woman survived. She’s the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man!
**** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke!
**** Men keep scrolling!
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
**** Men keep scrolling!
By the way, if you’re a woman and you’re still reading, this
illustrates another point: Women never listen!
Happy New Year, folks!