I am sure there are different ways people describe their “laziness”. Here in this story, “my laziness” refers to a stage when I opened my eyes early in the morning, went through the quick day to-do list in my mind and go back to sleep again saying — “they can wait”. 🙂
Well, this might not seem like a serious issue, at all, to some people but believe me – it is for me. I live with this guilt every day. After waking up hours later, as I recollect my thoughts, I feel a sharp arrow of guilt – pierced right between my heart. Guilt of unfulfilled demands, broken promises made before bed and piled up overdue “to do” list.
This problem didn’t arise at once, it was with me always as far as I remember. It all gives a nudge to my memory, it takes me to those old days where my mom used to wake me up early in the morning with a cup of tea in her hand.
“Chnori! wake up – your tea will get cold!”
I would then cover my face with a blanket ignoring the sound.
Then she would go again – “Luna, if u don’t make a habit of waking up early, it will be in affect you in the future”.
She would continue – you will make a lazy wife and a lazy daughter-in-law. What will your future mother in law say? – that I have taught you no girl-manners…….blah blah blah! She would go nonstop. The same dialogues would also follow during dinner time . My only response to her questions would be “whenever time comes, I will wake up!”
I guess I was wrong. The time is here – “not that I’m married” but I work and I have serious classes to attend. And, I am not professional at all. I choose afternoon hours or afternoon classes for work or college so that I don’t have to wake up early in the morning. One semester, I put trust in myself that I can wake up early for my class-but I ended up making a D on the class just because of my tardiness.
Sometimes, I wonder why my mom pampered me like that! Why wasn’t she more strict? – may be some severe punishment would have worked better on me.
I know if I tell my mom that she was right and I am actually repenting after all of her warnings, she will be really happy. But I think I will put my ego before my mom’s sheer happiness . I will never confess it to my mom.
Whatever it is, the point is that I am a born-lazy and the thoughts that I might never overcome it haunt me day and night. Believe me, I do not like the way I am, I want to change but it is really hard to resist those tempting morning naps.
I guess in a way , through this revelation, I am trying to seek help from my inner strength – to take me out of this mess, to help me be strong and to save me from those beguiling snooze.
I desperately need a help, I really need to wake up early in the morning to the sound of my first alarm! Or else, I can see my future is at stake.